A Spot For Thoughts

Welcome, This blog is a place to diary the ins an outs of what its like to be a weird girl. I don’t fit in. I never have. I used to try to make myself fit in, bending, stretching, purging and doing anything to feel normal. As I age into 40, I realize I spent my entire life trying to fit into a mold fit for someone else. I won’t be the student the Adams lineage would have admired, and I won’t be the push over my other side would like to walk on. I can’t please everyone. That took me 35 years, 5 trips to rehab, 9 days locked away, 12 weeks of residential rehab, 1 act of self preservation to learn…I can’t please everyone. And then be ok sitting with that uncomfortable feeling.

So today I will honor who I am. I am a weird “ghost girl” who feels and sees things other people do not. It took me years to understand that not everyone has had ghosts visit them nightly as a child. That not everyone can read the thoughts, hear the thoughts, feel the thoughts of others. I thought everyone could read body language and enter a room and read the energy especially if something heavily energetic happened. I thought everybody drove down the street and would have sudden flashes of previous accidents that happened there over the years. It has come to my attention after being married for 13 years that the only logical conclusion is that I am different from others, and that I can make them very uncomfortable, quickly. Over the years this has made me turn into a hermit. I felt like I was always saying the wrong thing and couldn’t really fit in.

I had the same childhood most kids of divorced parents have. Double birthdays, double Christmas, two bedrooms, to sets of extra parents who don’t approve of you, two sets of extra siblings who are adored by the ones who don’t like you. Without a solid foundation, a successful life is pretty hard to build on. At school, I was expected to be well rested like other kids but in reality I was running through my house in the middle of night screaming in terror, trying to get to my moms bed as fast as possible because there would be a man sitting in a chair in my bedroom waiting for me to wake up. Or a woman standing over my at my bedside. A man who used to walk through walls with red eyes and a black hat. I never slept because I knew when I would wake in the night it would be because I could feel I was being watched. My grades always suffered because my constant lack of sleep weighed heavily on my behavior. I was suspended multiple times in middle school and sometimes I feel like I should send an “I’m sorry” gift bag to Mr. Anthony Defrino, the Assistant Principle tasked with keeping in line. I am convinced rebellion runs in my veins, for good reason.

My Fathers blood has a long and prestigious history of being famous rebels. You can walk into any book store used or new and find information on my ancestors. A representative at The Daughters Of the Revolution have authenticated my bloodline and have asked me join. But I’m not much of a “slacks a flats” attire gal. Admittedly, I’m assuming I won’t fit in with purple hair, tattoos and high heels. You see, I was expected to attend the same college my father and his mother graduated from. And I used to think I have proven myself to be one big disappointment when compared to the daughter my father imagined when I wasn’t born yet. But the truth is, I’m not responsible for fulfilling anyones ideas of what I should have become. And I have learned boundaries and know those dreams aren’t mine for my life, therefore no longer feel sadness for not accomplishing something I never wanted to do. I have taken my traumas and tribulations and transmuted them into a divine healing for not only myself but for others like me. Others who feel too deeply, see too clearly, and can’t find a tribe who understands them. People like us tend to turn to addiction, self harm, depression and isolation to help us cope with energies and ideas that aren’t ours. I’m here to help you learn boundaries, self love, meditation, self care, I specialize in body dysmorphic disorder, as well as Distorted eating behaviors. I have been ED free for over a decade and every Summer celebrate another year of being a survivor, and finding joy in the everyday things. I do not give medical advice, nor take the place of your treatment team, I am here to fill in the gaps the treatment teams forget to focus on like finding a hobby, learning new things, exploring your creativity and raising your vibration.

Recovery is hard and I recommend hobbies that keep your hands and head busy. I collect Tarot decks, crystals, herbs, jars, candles, books and basket after basket of yarn and crochet needles. I pour my soul into my art and use it as a form of recovery. I make candles, pottery, and crochet cardigans and blankets in my spare time. I dream of having a small cobblestone fairytale house with a large library, tucked into a forest of moss and gardens. I want to grow what I eat and someone day have a tribe of people who all want the same.

My blog will be a collection of the work that’s happening on our 1890’s farmhouse, herbal crafts, medicines, recipes, garden tips, crystal information and soon a store section of the site to sell everything i’ve been making.

I’m excited for you to follow along on my journey of continuing to unravel parts of me that no longer serve my highest and best and come along as I leap with both feet into everything I do. This is a place where we come as we are, not who we used to be, not who anyone else wants us to be. us. Unapologetically, us.

“Light yourself on fire with passion and people will come from miles to watch you burn” J. Wesley

Blog Post Title Two

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Blog Post Title Three

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.

Blog Post Title Four

It all begins with an idea. Maybe you want to launch a business. Maybe you want to turn a hobby into something more. Or maybe you have a creative project to share with the world. Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.